A Sliver of Disappointment

As the days go by, I can't help but feel blessed that our baby is doing well and growing despite our many setbacks.  However, the inactivity and inability to do very much is a constant reminder of our predicament.  I have found myself wondering how other pregnant women carry on about their normal lives with hardly any disruption at all.  This is my norm. This is our reality. 
I went into our appointment on Thursday assuming our doctor would relent a little and tell me things were fine and I could continue on my merry way doing normal things, with caution and plenty of time for rest, of course.  On the contrary, he surprised me by giving us his most conservative, cautious warnings yet.  He said of his 150-180 current patients, I was the only one on these injections and with this condition. He said he didn't need  to remind me of how horrible it was about 5 weeks ago when I  found myself in the ER.  He then continued to tell me of all the special tests and sonograms and treatment I would need so that we could have the best outcome possible.  I feel like I gave him the impression that I was merely upset because I cannot go to the mall.  The truth is, I would do this and a lot more if it meant our baby would be ok.  I am just discouraged by him verbalizing the possibility that things may not be ok and it is in my hands to do all I can to not jeopardize our baby.  That is a lot of pressure! The worst thing is we don't know what could happen or when no matter what I do.
I wish I could be one of those glowing, expectant moms who can work, shop, go to the gym, plan and decorate and register and get things ready for their baby without feeling guilty and worried all the time.  But, if there is anything the Lord has taught me over the last several months, it is that things don't always go as we plan.  The Lord does not owe me a positive pregnancy experience without any hardships.  I will tell you one thing; we will never take this child for granted!  We will never forget what we have been through to get him here and how God has touched our lives with him.
I don't want any one to think I am ungrateful or having a break down, but I am trying to work through things and release to God my ideal of what this time should be like.  Regardless of what our experience has been, I have so much to be grateful for: 
I am grateful that our baby is doing well.
I am grateful for a wonderful, loving, supportive husband.
I am grateful for an amazing family.
I am grateful for an excellent doctor who really cares about us.
I am grateful for extra time to reflect on God's goodness and spend time with Him.

I probably would have taken all of these things for granted if we hadn't been through what we have.  There is no doubt that God has carried us this far. I just need to trust that He will take us the rest of the way.