The Family

Our appointment last week went well and we almost wonder why we frequent that place so often.  It makes me feel better to get an expert's assurance.  However, because of Chris's self-diagnosed ADD, he has a difficult time with all the waiting involved. You sit in the waiting room for hours where people-watching is only interesting for so long and then when you get a small glimpse of hope when they call your name and you act like you've won the lotto, you sit in the exam room forever.  At this point, Chris reaches a new level of antsy and starts pacing the room, opening the blinds, messing with everything on the counters (never a good idea in an ob/gyn's office!) and scouring all paraphernalia on the walls and counters. He may try to nap, but then he resorts to turning music on his ipod or singing himself! But no matter what his odd coping routine is, he always inevitably ends up doing the most embarrassing thing as the doctor walks in.  Then we get to explain ourselves.  None of my protests or requests save us from this moment.  At least maybe we are somewhat entertaining?
Anyway, the doctor said we are "doing great" and baby J is growing by leaps and bounds.  I get a mixed feeling when the doctor just looks at me and declares, "Oh, he's growing!" We also learned that if all goes well, I will be induced on April 11th.  We made weekly appointments through January, I had my routine blood work and we were out of there after 2 1/2 hours when the office was technically closed!
On another note, I think it is time to introduce you to an integral part of our lives! These are my best friends and have been by my side through everything!

Joey

  This little guy is the best!  So much personality.  I came across him about 5 years ago at a little pet shop and knew I had to have him!  I decided to buy him for myself to celebrate my college graduation.  Chris wasn't crazy about having a chihuahua since we were a month from getting married, but I finally convinced him.  As soon as Joey jumped out of his little back pack he jumped into Chris's heart.  I am super-protective of him because as the years have gone by we have learned Joey has asthma, epilepsy, and has several allergies.  He loves peanut butter and tiny stuffed frogs with Santa hats.  He spends his days on my lap and nights laying by my stomach. I don't know what I would do without him!

Chandler

Do you get the tribute to Friends?  Most people don't.  Oh, well.  After we had been married a few months, we both felt bad leaving Joey by himself while we worked all day.  Chandler was a lot easier to convince Chris to get. He said as long as he gets to name him, he could be ours!  Also, Chandler was born on our wedding day, so we knew it was meant to be!  Chandler was a pudgy, quiet little guy who we would find curled up in the laundry or my closet after searching quite awhile. He is definitely not a typical chihuahua. He hardly ever barks and naps 23 hours a day.  He is a fine companion for Joey and they entertain themselves.  Once, we weren't paying attention to them and they tag-teamed a tee-peeing of our whole house!  Chandler loves food, his toy dachshund and Bow's mouse, and he howls when he thinks he is alone.  Between Joey and Chandler, our life is never boring!

Tucker

Tucker has been a wonderful addition to our family!  I picked him out three years ago at the shelter as a Christmas gift for Chris.  At first he had anxiety issues and was really difficult to train.  But after a few Caesar Milan dvds and obedience school, he was a new dog!  Tucker is a constant companion and best friend.  He will eat anything including kleenex and I have found myself wrangling with him over raw chicken on the bed(my worst nightmare for sanitation reasons)! Tucker thinks all dog toys are his, it is fun to make a sport of going outside a million times a day for no particular reason, and if he runs around the house long enough, he will eventually find Chris when he isn't here.  We couldn't ask for a better friend or "guard" dog.

Bow

Bow has been mine since I was in middle school and Abbey found her in a wood pile, dying.  We nursed her back to health and she has been strong and sassy since!  Bow has an amazing amount of personality and talks to us all the time. She loves Tucker and plays with Joey.  She is fond of sleeping at my feet at night.  I'm so glad I have been able to enjoy Bow through the years!

Well, that's everyone for now.  It will be interesting to see how they all adjust with our new addition in April!

A Sliver of Disappointment

As the days go by, I can't help but feel blessed that our baby is doing well and growing despite our many setbacks.  However, the inactivity and inability to do very much is a constant reminder of our predicament.  I have found myself wondering how other pregnant women carry on about their normal lives with hardly any disruption at all.  This is my norm. This is our reality. 
I went into our appointment on Thursday assuming our doctor would relent a little and tell me things were fine and I could continue on my merry way doing normal things, with caution and plenty of time for rest, of course.  On the contrary, he surprised me by giving us his most conservative, cautious warnings yet.  He said of his 150-180 current patients, I was the only one on these injections and with this condition. He said he didn't need  to remind me of how horrible it was about 5 weeks ago when I  found myself in the ER.  He then continued to tell me of all the special tests and sonograms and treatment I would need so that we could have the best outcome possible.  I feel like I gave him the impression that I was merely upset because I cannot go to the mall.  The truth is, I would do this and a lot more if it meant our baby would be ok.  I am just discouraged by him verbalizing the possibility that things may not be ok and it is in my hands to do all I can to not jeopardize our baby.  That is a lot of pressure! The worst thing is we don't know what could happen or when no matter what I do.
I wish I could be one of those glowing, expectant moms who can work, shop, go to the gym, plan and decorate and register and get things ready for their baby without feeling guilty and worried all the time.  But, if there is anything the Lord has taught me over the last several months, it is that things don't always go as we plan.  The Lord does not owe me a positive pregnancy experience without any hardships.  I will tell you one thing; we will never take this child for granted!  We will never forget what we have been through to get him here and how God has touched our lives with him.
I don't want any one to think I am ungrateful or having a break down, but I am trying to work through things and release to God my ideal of what this time should be like.  Regardless of what our experience has been, I have so much to be grateful for: 
I am grateful that our baby is doing well.
I am grateful for a wonderful, loving, supportive husband.
I am grateful for an amazing family.
I am grateful for an excellent doctor who really cares about us.
I am grateful for extra time to reflect on God's goodness and spend time with Him.

I probably would have taken all of these things for granted if we hadn't been through what we have.  There is no doubt that God has carried us this far. I just need to trust that He will take us the rest of the way.

We're having a...

BOY!  I think we would have been surprised if they told us we were having a girl.  Chris was already functioning based on the assumption that we were having a boy.  We are both really excited.  However, I am letting go of those familiar thoughts of pink, frilly dresses, tea parties, and ballet and embracing ideas of blue, superman underoos, gun fights, and football.  When our doctor came in the room, he looked directly at me and said, "You need a boy. A boy will be good for you.  You know, get dirty, help mellow you out."  So, I guess he is right!

We are also glad the preliminary report from the sonogram showed no defects or signs of any problems.  I may be on the sonographer person's top 10 list of most annoying patients, though. She was nice enough but definitely did not give me the details and explanations I craved!  So, I asked a million questions.  Since I am "high-risk" we have had the luxury of having frequent sonograms since about week 6. It is amazing to me and a true testament to God's handiwork to watch our baby grow from an almost undefinable dot, to a gummi bear-like figure to a little person!  So, here is your first look at our baby boy:





"For you formed my inward parts; you covered me in my mother's womb. I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made."  Psalm 139:13 & 14a

I am trying to post fairly often, but I keep myself surprisingly busy.  We have recently jumped on the Netflix train and it has been one of Chris' projects  to keep our list current.  He sometimes asks my input and my latest request was for Christmas movies.  So last week I was expecting that little red envelope to contain "A Christmas Carol", or "Elf", but instead it held "What About Bob?". What in the world?  Who cared to hack into our Netflix account and mess with us by changing our list to early '90s movies we had already seen?  When I approached Chris about this, he simply stated that there must be a long wait for Christmas movies and he indeed was the "What About Bob?" culprit.  Sensing my dissatisfaction he said, "Why don't you take over the list now?"  I turned to him as serious as I get and said, "I don't think I have time for that."  He gave me the most incredulous look and I realized how ridiculous that sounds.  But, really, I am keeping busy with this and reading and researching baby products and lists for Chris, etc.  I forgot to mention I am on strict bed rest for at least another week but then I might be able to get up and around a little more.  We just continue to pray for a boring and uneventful second half of pregnancy!

Just the beginning...

Well, here goes nothing!  Since I have recently found myself with quite a bit of extra time on my hands, I thought I would dive into the world of blogging.  I don't know if any one out there is interested or even cares (except my husband) but our life is about to get more interesting and it is difficult to keep in touch with everyone.  Let me start with why I have the time to do this.
Today I am 20 weeks 3 days pregnant. And yes, I count every day!  It has been a very difficult first half, so we earn those days!  We knew I would have problems before  I was even pregnant because I have an autoimmune disorder that makes my blood clot too much. Therefore, I have been taking shots since the beginning, every day.  I also had a large subchorionic hemorrhage very early on that worried the doctors as well as us.   God answered our prayers and the hemorrhage re-absorbed on its own and everything seemed to be going well.  Our doctor encouraged us that this was possible but not likely to happen again.  So, just as I was starting to feel more at peace about everything, I ended up in the ER in the middle of the night with excessive bleeding.  We couldn't believe Baby Johns was completely unaware of all the drama going on around him/her!  This time the subchorionic hemorrhage was fairly far away from baby and since I was about 17 weeks at the time, our baby was big enough to handle the ordeal.  Praise God!  So, needless to say, I was ordered on bed rest and here I lay.
It has been quite an adjustment but I know God knows best.  I am ashamed to say that I had the feeling early on that God was prompting me to quit working when I was having problems and I did not listen, so He did something that really caught my attention!  My family and Chris have been great!  And now Chris realizes how many little things I do around the house.  The dogs love me being home.  It's just our cat's schedule that I  have thrown off and she retaliated in the worst way at first.  But I think we have come to a mutual, unspoken agreement as of late.
Through this entire journey we have experienced God's grace more than ever.  I have really struggled with handing everything over to God, but He is gently teaching me every day how to do this.  There are several verses I have really clung to over the past few months. Here are a few:

"The Lord will perfect that which concerns me;"- Psalm 138:8

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind."-2 Timothy 1:7

So, we continue to hold on to the hope we have because of Him.  We rejoice because we have our "big" sonogram tomorrow where we find out if we are having a boy or girl.  But, of course I am worried about the other part of the sonogram where they evaluate everything else and make sure everything looks ok. So, your prayers would be appreciated!