A Lifetime of Letting Go

 "He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, 'He is my refuge and my fortress; My God, in Him I will trust.' "
Psalm 91:2

 As I reflect back on these last 6 amazing months of Cohen's life, I keep hearing one of my nurses in the back of my mind saying, "You're worrying is only beginning!  Just wait 'til he's here!"  She said this as I was a few months away from giving birth and we were lightheartedly discussing my propensity to worry about the pregnancy.  At the time, I couldn't imagine being more worried than I had been over the last several months.  I imagined all my cares melting away as soon as they  placed little Cohen in my arms at the hospital.  I was so focused on getting him here that I failed to contemplate very far into the future at all!  This nurse was right. There are new worries at every stage of Cohen's life for me to look forward to.  Little did I know then that all my anxiety and trouble leading up to April 12th was preparing me for the rest of my life!

The very first night in the hospital I couldn't sleep because I was intent on making sure everything was ok with Cohen.  As soon as we got home, I started worrying about SIDS and the common newborn rapid breathing patterns and whether he was sleeping enough, eating enough, being held too much etc.  After my exhaustion bottomed out and things slowed down a little and I actually had time to think, I began to analyze my thoughts. Wow! Had I not learned anything the last 9 months?  God clearly communicated to me after my visit to the ER that I needed to trust him and hand everything over to Him. Concerning not just Cohen, but everything in my life.  All these balls I was trying so hard to juggle, were falling.  I hadn't been doing such a great job micro-managing my life.  It was as if God was saying "Let it go!".  After all, why would I insist on holding all these things in my life ever so closely to me when I could drop them at any time when all along I can hand them over to an infinite, all-powerful, all-knowing God with steady hands?  I have been working on this my entire life, but now for real!  This little baby was my world from the moment we found out about him, sight unseen!  So, every day, every hour and even every minute of bed rest, I had to consciously let go of all my fears and worry and control of the fate of my unborn baby.  Hardest thing in the world and I wasn't very good at it.  Although it was one of the most challenging times of our lives, I look back on it with fondness and I cherish it because God walked the difficult path with us and showed me so many things about who I need to be and how I need to grow.

So as Cohen is growing up way too fast, it is as if God is saying. "Here we go- Trust me and let him go!"  Because life will be filled with sickness, bumps, bruises, going off to kindergarten, life-threatening sports, driving, dating, going off to college, getting married and leaving me!  But as much as I love him, and it is crazy how much you love your baby, I must hand him over to a God who loves him even more than I do.  And because I know this in my heart of hearts to be true, I am so thankful to God for that dark season in our lives that prepared me for a lifetime of letting go.

I trust God because He grew Cohen from this....

to this!

6 Month Report

Time sure does fly and Cohen loves to, also!  At least he thinks he is when dad helps him soar Superman-style all over the house!  Whether it is soaring, rolling, army-crawling, or attempting to maneuver out of someone's arms, our Cohen is a mover!  I am going to need a lot more sleep to keep up with this one! Cohen just gets quicker each day.  He will move 10 feet in 10 seconds. I literally cannot take my eyes off of him for one second.  Which makes it quite a challenge again to fit in a shower any where or household chores for that matter! The  activity center thingy he has is still too tall and he is far too unstable in it. He is fitting into his Bumbo quite well these days, however. We are continually amazed at all Cohen can do and his emerging personality. He has quite the sense of humor. Lately he throws things off of his changing station behind the dresser then laughs at himself.  Grandma Johnson, Aunt Jen and I all make fools of ourselves trying to get a giggle out of the little guy, but Grandpa Johnson or Chris come along and he immediately breaks into a grin at their presence. They are just funnier, I guess.

Another huge milestone has been eating actual food!  Cohen has really taken to it well. We started with rice cereal then graduated to carrots and squash.  Cohen was oh so privileged to try my first attempt at making baby food! I started with sweet potatoes.  He seems to like it all amidst the grunts, groans, and contorted faces. He even tries to take the spoon and feed himself.  Cohen is also drinking a smidgen of water from a more mature bottle with handles, but mostly plays with it.

We think Cohen had his first cold a couple of weeks ago when Chris got a sinus infection and passed it on to me.  Cohen was stuffy and had a difficult time breathing at night. Of course the night I was the most miserable, poor Cohen woke up about every hour and a half.  But it really wasn't too bad overall and luckily babies' sinuses are not developed enough to get infections until they are 5 or something. The pediatrician said it is probably just dry air and teething drainage at night.

Cohen's 6 month check up went well. Cohen weighs 18 pounds and 2 ounces placing him in the 55th percentile and 27 1/2 inches long and in the 75th percentile.  He received a handful of shots including the first part of two flu shots. That one must have been a doozie because Cohen was pretty fussy the following days. Awesome! We get another one in a few weeks. The nurse was very impressed with how well Cohen handled it all, but his eyes welled up with huge tears and he cried his most heart-wrenching sobs, but they are quiet and don't seem so bad to an outside observer. The doctor said he doesn't feel any teeth coming, but he sure is chewing everything in sight and drooling like crazy. 

Now some snapshots:

22 weeks

23 weeks

Why hello there!

Mr. Flexibility

24 weeks

25 weeks

More sports!

Gotta love that hair!

This one always makes me laugh!

Family photo with little guy sporting a double chin

We love Sophie!

Hanging out with best friends Jackson and Caleb!

Helping with laundry

Excited dad is home

26 weeks

He's a Chandler

If you are a Friends fan, do you remember the episode where Monica and Chandler are trying to get pictures taken and Chandler cannot smile? Instead he gets a strange, contorted grin on his face that ruins every picture.  Well, Cohen is kind of a Chandler. As soon as he becomes aware of the camera, he either gives a deer in the headlights look and/or puts his hands in front of his face as if to say, "No pictures please!".  We take enough snapshots that we still get good ones, but we have a fairly moderate collection forming of these "Chandler" moments!  Here are just a few of the latest examples:

He's still adorable, but I don't want him to think he was freaked out all the time through his early days when he looks back at pictures!  He's just too smart. He knows a camera is out of the ordinary and he doesn't trust it.

In other news, Cohen is doing all sorts of new things!  He is becoming more deliberate with his actions. Every time one of the dogs walks by he tries to reach out and pet them.  He loves drink glasses and chip bags and can't wait to get his hands on them.  Cohen is smiling and laughing more.  He must change activities frequently or he will get bored.  He absolutely loves to suck on wash cloths after I wash his face and hands and will actually throw a mini-tantrum if you take it away!  His rolling radius has extended so much that we put down a large blanket on the floor that he still inevitably finds the edge of to roll over.  I was surprised the other day when I was bouncing him while I was drying my hair and every time I turned on the hair dryer, Cohen would raise his arms up and cover his ears.  He is still not a fan of car rides, so by the time we arrive home from going anywhere we are both exhausted- him from crying and me from attempting to entertain him in any way you can imagine!

Our latest endeavor has been moving Cohen from sleeping beside me in his Pack N' Play to sleeping in his own crib.  Overall, it has gone fairly well.  Cohen sleeps better than me as I wake with any slight noise from the monitor.  Or maybe I lay awake listening to the monitor at times.  I also go in or talk Chris into going and checking on him frequently and make sure the temperature is ok because of this crazy Kansas weather that forces me to have a/c on during the day and switch to the heater for a short while in the wee hours of the morning!  Overall, we are doing quite well and are adjusting as much as one possibly can to limited hours of sleep most days.  I have even mastered jogging with Cohen riding along in the stroller in the mornings since the weather has been nice.  The success of each day is all about timing!  I won't go into detail about Cohen messing in his diaper in his crib and it leaking and him rolling around in it the other day! Example of bad timing. But most days we get a rhythm and things go swimmingly as we enjoy each play, eat, and sleep session.  Soon, we will tackle rice cereal, so stay tuned!

Now, for some normal pictures:

18 weeks

Reading with dad

He likes to throw things and sometimes they end up on his head!

19 weeks

20 weeks

Petting Tucker

Big boy dino pajamas

One of Cohen's new favorite hobbies!

21 weeks

First time in the Bumbo

Post Coming Soon If You Are Still Around!

I promise I will eventually get around to posting soon...life is crazy and just when we think we have Cohen bug figured out he changes things up on us and it is truly exhausting!  Check back soon. I have taken a lot of pics!  Instead of blogging I have been sleeping in my some-what free time. 

A Hot, Dark Night

That is what last Thursday was.  As soon as I started to pray our power stayed on when the storms rolled in, our lights flickered.  They came on again, but in the middle of my sigh of relief the house again went dark and only to stay that way.  Awesome.  At least we don't have gates up for the dogs anymore. One time, in the not so distant past, as soon as our lights went out, Chris sprung into action.  Like Captain Flashlight or something.  He declared he would  get us some light and ran at full speed straight into a dog gate.  The gate was still standing, but Chris fell flat on his face over it with a big "Hurumph"!  He just laid there.  It was hilarious! I mean, those gates were always there, but I guess when it goes dark you lose your memory, too? I was anything but amused this time, though.  Everything changes when you have a baby.  Several survival/exit strategies were running through my mind.  But Chris tried to reassure me that the lights would be back on soon and a "plan" was not necessary.  I insisted he call and at least get a time estimate.  When he returned and I inquired about what he had learned, Chris mumbled "6-12 hours".  What? That's a long time as hot as it is with a baby!  Chris still was of the opinion that this trial would not last long.  I said that's fine, we can go to bed but I would stay awake and monitor Cohen as he slept and the rising temperature. It was miserable. Chris and Cohen slept fairly well, but I was wide awake.  When Cohen woke up at 1 AM, he was pretty warm.  We just kept thinking the lights and TV and everything would come on and freak us out at any time.  So, by 3 or 4 AM, we decided to pack up and go to my parents' house.  Soon after, Chris came back home to get ready for work only to find the power back on.  Cohen and I stayed and slept for awhile, though.  Talk about beyond exhausted after that! It's all relative, though. 

I am a bit distracted as I type this because Cohen is rolling like crazy!  He has become quite the pro.  He is partial to his right side.  He just sounds aggravated and upset when he is trying, which always upsets me, but I must let him work it out.  He is also taking in an occasional child's program here and there. So is Chris!  I think Chris is rather enjoying this second childhood thing.  Cohen really gets to kicking, too. He'll be watching a show or listening to music and sitting in his chair and he will really get to going!  He also has longer conversations with us. But I do believe his new favorite hobby is pulling my hair on both sides and not letting go.  Another breakthrough occurred because Chris donned his swim trunks and joined Cohen in the bath tub and Cohen loved it!  Dad holding him makes things less scary.  Hurray for big boy baths!

Yesterday was Cohen's 4 month appointment with shots.  He did so well, only crying for a short time before letting dad console him.  Once again, I handled the whole ordeal worse than him.  Cohen got a great report! The doctor said his head looks really good and that Cohen's tummy time must be going well.  I guess all that intimidation and the threats worked on me!  The reason Cohen is already in 6 month clothes was verified for us when we found out he is 26 inches long and in the 90th percentile for height!  Cohen weighs 14 pounds, 11 ounces and is in the 50th percentile, so getting big!

We are looking forward to getting out more when the weather gets cooler.  Right now, Cohen gets so warm if we are out at all  and lugging all his stuff makes me sweat before we leave the garage! We are ready to welcome fall!

And now, just a few pics:

15 weeks

Hanging with the monkeys!

Bright blue eyes

What they like best!

Swingin'

16 weeks

Ready to try the bath tub

After all, it's not too bad!

An expert roller

Watching Sesame Street

17 weeks