It Won't Be Long Now....

This is a brief update on Cohen!  This has been a fairly difficult week, so we were ready for some good news.  We had our fourth BPP yesterday. It is hard to believe that if we make it to April 11th, we have only three appointments left! The sonogram went really well and we were able to get Cohen to cooperate enough to get some adorable 4D pictures!

Can you see his face next to his little arm?

 Is that not the cutest baby ever?  We can't wait to meet him.  They guesstimate that he weighs 6 pounds 7 ounces right now and my doctor said by April 11th he will most likely weigh around 8 pounds 4 ounces. I can do that, right? I hope so!  Anyway, he passed his BPP with flying colors and we even saw him stick his tongue out!  We had an earlier appointment time than usual, so our wait time was less.  Chris behaved until we were waiting in the exam room and his restlessness resulted in doing all sorts of stretches.  He then devised a plan to hide in the "changing room" in the exam room and when the doctor expressed his surprise at not seeing Chris at our appointment, he would jump out and scare him!  Wow. I never know what he will come up with, but I think his ideas are escalating! Good thing we have only a few appointments left. 
I feel better since the doctor said we would really be fine to deliver any time now.  We spent most of the appointment discussing the logistics of switching my blood thinner shots from once a day to twice a day so things will be more in control if I go into labor.  Yikes! Cohen is coming soon and I am still avoiding thoughts of exactly how that will happen.  We appreciate everyone's prayers through this time and still covet them as there are so many unknowns through birth and delivery. We could not feel more blessed to be where we are after such a rough start.  And thanks to amazing family and friends we feel ready with the things we need when Cohen arrives!

Me with my good friends Tina and Lindsey at the shower they threw for me

P.S. I promise nursery pictures are coming soon! I just need to get my dresser drawer mailed to me and it will be complete. (One drawer was damaged and they are sending me a new one, hopefully soon!)

So, You're Saying I Can't Sanitize My Baby With A Clorox Wipe???

Don't be alarmed. I wouldn't really do this. It's just that I've generally been able to wipe away my ocd fear of germs with a Clorox wipe before.  I haven't even cleaned my dogs with a wipe, despite strong urges. You see, I have a problem. If you know me at all, you probably know I am a little obsessive-compulsive about germs.  I think I hide it or the extent of it well, though.  Chris may not agree.  He will reluctantly admit that this is one of our biggest relationship struggles. But no matter how crazy he thinks I am, he will sigh and wash his hands one more time or change his clothes or wipe down the car seats if I ask. I think my problem may have started at the end of high school or beginning of college. I am not sure what triggered it but when I did a research paper on it, I read some where that there may be a link between childhood strep and ocd. I had strep as a child. Alot. Anyway, I also think I use it as a coping mechanism when other things in my life get out of control.  The last several years have been difficult and trying at times so my personality is to try and control what I can.  Not the right thing to do since in reality, I control nothing and must trust God.  But, I still have these odd little rituals I must perform so I can survive.  Let me say, I am not crazy like those people who arrange carpet fringe for hours or eat my eyebrows (thank goodness!).  I really don't think I will divulge the extent of my problem, but I do wash my hands frequently, always have anti-bac, have a problem sitting in a doctor's office or even going to a hospital and never fail to open a public rest room door with a paper towel. I think everyone should follow these protocols for their life, as well.  But, Chris assures me this is not normal and won't let me watch those shows that reveal what germs grow where and the places "dirtier than a toilet seat", anymore. 
I bring all of this up to say I think having a baby will be the best behavioral and cognitive therapy there is.  I already know I cannot keep a baby completely clean and out of germs' way. Plus, they need to build up some immunity. My doctor must have picked up on some of my tendencies and that is why he said having a boy will be good for me and mellow me out a little.  I shudder at the thought of the stories other parents have told me about what their little boys have done.  I am the mom with the baby in the bubble in that commercial.  That can't be a good thing! I need to find that middle ground. Compromise.  I don't want Cohen to be the only preschooler with antibac hanging from his backpack!
This will definitely be a learning and growing experience as God uses Cohen to help me let go of this ridiculous mental challenge I have struggled with for years.  I will not win this, and defeat is inevitable. But it will be a good defeat.  So, here's to dirt and mud and poop and bugs and crawling all over the floor and not washing hands every thirty minutes!

Yes, Yes I Am

Out of bed, that is.  It has come to my attention that many people who see me out and about are surprised.  It is confusing and difficult to explain.  To see me out it would be easy to assume that I am a normal, functioning, waddling pregnant person that goes anywhere the breeze blows me.  However,  I am still very limited in what I do.  The doctor has officially given me a little freedom to get up and out for awhile, but has been very cautionary.  I do fairly well if I am just going to go somewhere and sit. But, if I do go to the grocery store or to do a few errands, I find myself exhausted and ready to recuperate at home for a few days.  I think that is because I am so accustomed to being sedentary.  I have not been on "complete bed rest" since some time in December.  And really, things have been going pretty well and I have adjusted to being limited in what I do with a peace that only comes from God.  The first day I was in tears, but after that I just came to accept what I needed to do (or not do) to get our baby here safely.  Chris has had the difficult part of picking up all the slack.  This has definitely been a "growing" stage of our relationship where we have learned to communicate better, be more understanding, and define what our different standards of "clean" are. Let's just say one of us is more partial to speed over quality!  In all seriousness, Chris has learned all of the household chores, perfected the grocery shopping, taken on all sorts of errands, and is a huge help with cooking and dishes.  It will be interesting to see where everything falls when Cohen is here and our world is turned upside down again (in a good way!).

We had our second bpp yesterday.  Cohen passed quickly, but they only do measurements every other week. We were disappointed when he turned his head and we couldn't get a good shot for our first 3D picture. Oh well, there is always next week.  The sonograms go so quickly, then we wait an eternity in the waiting room for our follow-up appointment with the doctor. Luckily, a friend came in and also had to wait quite a while so we were able to catch up with her.  Needless to say, Chris didn't fall asleep this time! I wish he would come up with a question for once for the doctor, though. As it is, I am the only one interacting with the doctor while Chris gives him the "I'm so sorry my wife is a question nut/worry wart." I always turn to him and ask if he has any questions and he just shakes his head. Thanks a lot.   This wouldn't be so bad if he would at least pay attention to integral parts of the appointment and exam. Example: "Chris, what did I measure today?" Answer: "I don't know."  He also struggles to repeat key information as the doctor answers my questions.  I asked him yesterday what he did notice and he replied, "The doctor was wearing Nikes today and his student doctor must be outdoorsy based on her shoes."  So helpful.  I think I will hand off some of my questions to Chris from now on. Balance it out.  Therefore earning the reputation of the "inquisitive couple" not just "inquisitive Jacque".  And since the doctor usually doesn't mention what I am measuring, I will encourage Chris to notice as it is difficult and obvious to lift my head to peer over my ever-unfamiliar, expanding belly to strain my eyes and mentally take note.

I think I will go for now.  However, I hope to reveal the nursery pictures soon!  Final touches are going on.  So that is something to look forward to!

Total Trust

I Peter 5:7 "Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you."

We have been looking forward to 32 weeks for awhile. It seems like a milestone of sorts.  When we discussed the coming weeks with our doctor, he mentioned that we would have a sonogram for a biophysical profile at 32 weeks.  A biophysical profile is a test they put baby through to make sure everything looks ok.  This is what they look at:

Biophysical Attribute	Normal	Abnormal
Breathing	1 breathing episode within 30 minutes	No breathing episodes within 30 minutes
Movement	2 or more movements within 30 minutes	less than 2 movements within 30 minutes
Muscle Tone	1 or more episodes of active extension/flexion of limbs, etc. (i.e. opening and closing a hand).	Slow extension/flexion of limbs, partially open fetal hand, etc
Heart Rate	2 or more episodes of reactive heart rate acceleration within 20 min	1 or more episodes of unreactive heart rate acceleration
Amniotic Fluid	1 or more adequate pockets of fluid	Either no pockets or inadequate pockets of fluid

So we have been hoping and praying that Cohen will pass his test! I was already nervous, but then we learned that we will actually be having a sonogram every week from here on out to do a biophysical profile. He needs to pass 7 times!  Although these tests cause me a little anxiety, I am so glad we are checking up on our little one like this and are able to take all of these precautions.  If there is something wrong, I want to know!
Our first bpp sonogram was yesterday.  They allow 30 minutes total to see all these things.  I was excited to take a peak at Cohen again, but as he gets bigger it is difficult to tell what everything is!  He was fairly active yesterday, so we saw him moving and kicking and breathing. We were even able to see a little bit of hair on his little head.  They estimate he weighs 4 pounds, 11 ounces already.  Overall, he is measuring 10 days ahead.  Also, the verdict remains that he is still a boy!  So no frantically changing the nursery decor! I tried to ask as many questions as I could, but after about ten minutes we were done and he had passed! Praise the Lord! We will continue to pray that he passes his following tests.
After each sonogram, we will wait and have a follow-up appointment with the doctor.  The last few times in the waiting room with Chris have been fairly boring since he generally ends up dozing off.  At that point, I monitor snoring, gaping mouth, or sudden jerky movements that would cause his elbow to fall off the arm rest. Other than that, I usually let him be.  It would take a lot of energy on my part to keep him alert and awake.  Although, the previously mentioned receptionist can jilt Chris awake momentarily with one word!
Yesterday, I completely surprised our doctor by saying I didn't think I had one question for him this time. He responded by saying, "The appointment isn't over yet!" When the doctor was listening to Cohen's heart beat with his doppler, Chris asked him if he had had it inspected recently. I gave Chris the weirdest look.  Chris' mind fascinates me. So selectively detail-oriented, he is! I guess Chris had noticed the date for re-inspection was about now and wanted to make sure the instrument the ob was using was up to snuff.  Our doctor laughed and replied that indeed he had had it inspected.  Probably the first time he was asked about that!
While we eagerly await Cohen's arrival, we also pray and trust that he will come in God's perfect timing.  We want him to be fully grown and perfect. I want him here now, but know it is better that he stays in the "oven" for awhile longer while he grows stronger and acquires more skills. It has been a long 8 months, but will be more than worth it for a lifetime of joy this little guy, our miracle, will bring us.

Valentine's Schmalentine's Part II

I'm back!  My cold took a turn for the worse and the last few days have been miserable.  It went exactly how I thought; have my mom pick me up, pay a co-pay (it absolutely kills me to do this!), wait around forever for a strep test just to be told I only have a cold and drink plenty of fluids and rest. Sounds easy except I am too miserable to sleep. Ironically, the dogs aren't keeping us awake any more because while trying to mitigate Joey's seizures he is on more medication that makes him super sleepy.  So, it's just me keeping me up!

We spent the remainder of Valentine's Day at home.  Chris baked a heart-shaped pizza and we spent the evening engrossed in The Bachelor and Harry's Law.  I highly recommend the latter, however stay away from being hooked on The Bachelor if you can help it! It's too late for me, but save yourself! At least Chris was here this year.

Last Valentine's  was  the worst we have ever had in eleven years or something.  It's not so much just Valentine's Day that was so horrible as it was the entire month of February.  Early in the month Chris learned he would be traveling to New York for work.  We were under the assumption that his trip would take about three days. These three days turned into three weeks!  We had no idea.  To make matters worse, while he was there we still had no idea how many more days he would need to stay.  At first I thought, "I can do this. I am capable of taking care of myself, two little chihuahuas,  our Golden Retriever, and a sassy cat by myself for awhile." Then the heater went out the first night. It was the beginning of February and freezing.  It happened late and I called Chris even though I knew he was unable to help me thousands of miles away.  He was just getting ready to call me and tell me he had made it to his hotel and of the nice welcoming gift in his night stand.  There was actually a little collection of marijuana in his room. You see, the town Chris was staying in was pretty small so there was one option in hotels.  Chris couldn't believe it and let me go so he could tell the front desk of his discovery.   I called my dad. While he was on his way over to see if it was a simple fix, my mind oscillated between ideas of the owners of this merchandise coming back to Chris' room and there being a shoot out and police and sirens and ideas of trying to pile on my little dogs' sweaters and seeing my breath all night long while watching the thermometer in my room drop.  Chris called back and said his situation was taken care of and he proceeded to try and google what my problem could be.  My dad arrived and assessed the situation, determining that I would need to call someone. I was so torn between paying out the wazoo for the convenience of having heat that night or toughing it out until the morning.  I hate to pay a premium for the same service just because of the timing! Another annoyance is that these companies' rates vary so much that I had to set out on a research project to see who would be the best deal.  I finally decided to set up a first-thing-in-the-morning appointment and go to bed refusing to let these companies win by taking advantage of my late-night situation, but I sure felt like the loser when I woke up to a 50 degree temperature in my house and shivering dogs!

The nice service man arrived early.  I escorted him downstairs to take a look.  As soon as he started working I hit my head and said, "The sensor just needed to be sanded, didn't it?"  He was taken aback and said, "What did you need me for?"  See, that is the only thing Chris came up with the evening before with all of his googling.  Not that I knew where to find the sensor or had any sand paper anyway.  So, that little ordeal was over.

One reason I was particularly disappointed was because we had just launched our 90 days of P90X.  We were going to do it together.  Tony Horton shows no mercy and we were on a schedule of working out 6 days a week for about an hour to an hour and a half a day.  So, while Chris had a more difficult time of it while working 12-hour days and lacking the dvds and equipment, I woke up at 4:45 in the morning and got mine out of the way.  Chris worked long hours, the weather was bad and places to eat were quite a ways away, but he attempted to keep up his work out regimen!  All of this came to a crashing halt and would put him out of commission for the remainder of the 90 days when he was using a hotel weight that was too heavy for his weighted arm circles. He ended up with bursitis of his elbow and it took until May or so to heal! So, needless to say, I finished the program by myself even after he returned home and then started over with him!

Chris ended up missing Valentine's Day, my parents' anniversary and my dad's birthday.  We also learned that even though Chris was at K-State for a few years while I stayed at WSU when we were dating, our long-distance communication isn't the best.  He was frustrated up there and I was frustrated and lonely here.  I think there were several other small incidents that I have blocked out because it seemed like things just kept happening.  I did send Chris a package with a Valentine's Day card, snacks, and more clothes as it became apparent his stay would be long.  He still needed to get his clothes dry cleaned and drove past the place that was 30 miles away and went to the one that was 60 miles away.  One of the worst things that happened  while Chris was gone happened a few days before Chris was able to come home.  My face had a horrible reaction to a new face cream! My face was puffy, red, on fire, dry, and my eyes were almost swollen shut.  I then had to go to the doctor pronto and pay the aforementioned co-pay to get a shot.  It still took a few days to get back to normal. I wanted to hide out during this time, but did my best to cover it up and went on to work and everything.  At least, Chris didn't see me like this! 

One weekend, they told Chris he could come home and get more clothes and re-group then they changed their minds and he had to stay with nothing to do all weekend. Fortunately, Chris became friends with one of the guys who worked at the company Chris was visiting, so they were able to hang out a little.  Then, when Chris was finally able to come home, we didn't know it until a day or so before he did.  We were so glad to be together and Chris relented a little on the idea that he loves adventure, change, and spontaneity and maybe the same things and a normal routine aren't all that bad.  So, here's to next Valentine's Day! (But the bar isn't set too high)

Valentine's Schmalentine's Part I

Random photo shop, but he is wearing red!

Valentine's Day is overrated.  I am possibly saying this because my last few have been disappointing.  Let me first say that Chris has nothing to do with this. These dismal February 14ths have been out of our control.  I used to like this holiday; beautiful flowers, gobs of pink, and a fancy dinner.  But, let's be honest. If you are married, expensive flowers are nice, but you are the one paying for them. I can wear pink any time of the year and do.  And if you are brave enough to try and go out to dinner on Valentine's Day, you wait hours even if you have a reservation.  This has been my experience, anyway.  Perhaps my sour mood has something to do with passing the time until my ride (aka mom) comes to pick me up and take me to the doctor's office to get a throat culture.  Nothing says "Happy Valentine's Day" like a cotton swab being jammed down your throat!  Anyway, I haven't felt very well the last few days.  With my luck, I've gotten up early, enlisted my mom to chauffeur me, wait an hour at the doctor's just for them to tell me I have a cold and to drink more fluids.  But, I would rather know early on if I need meds or not to worry.  History shows that  any time I have a sore throat, it is due to some infection or something.  I usually get these at least twice a year.  I guess I was naive to think I was safe since I am mostly at home.  I may need to think seriously about cutting out my few weekly outings to avoid getting sick like this again before Cohen comes.  I have been trying to go to church and help at the grocery store, but that just may come to an end.  Ironically, I will probably get sick just going to my weekly OB appointments.
Speaking of appointments, (I'll get back to V-day in a moment) there was only one troubling incident of note in the last week or so.  Chris never fails to make a comment about the sign that tells to to stay your distance because of other patients' privacy.  However, this is not very effective if the receptionist is going to holler out all of your information for the entire waiting room to hear anyway! Forget that five foot buffer.  This lady has the tone and annunciation of a kindergarten teacher and she acts as if you are dumb or deaf or both.  Last week when she presented my form to me to sign, I quickly scanned the top info to make sure it was correct.  The reason for my visit was different than it usually is, so I inquired about it.  As loud as she could, she leaned over the counter and pointed to the words. "OB MEANS YOU ARE PREGNANT..." and so on and so forth.  I was mortified and turned bright red. Something I haven't done since school days when I was called out in class. Then I was more embarrassed about being the shade of a cherry than what I had done.  I didn't even hear the rest of her explanation.  I looked around the room and several patients were looking at me as if I were the biggest idiot in the world.  Contrary to what this lady believes, I do know what OB stands for.  It was the rest of the initials I was asking about.  Chris was kind of mad and wanted to mention it to our doctor, saying that what if it was really private information that she was sharing with the world?  I talked him out of it, saying that our info wasn't private this time, and our good doctor doesn't need to be bothered with such matters. 
Back to Valentine's Day.  Oh, shucks. I need top get ready to go.  But, I will post what last Valentine's Day was like when I get back.

Cohen is Getting Big! (and so am I!)

Nothing really noteworthy has occurred in the last week or so.  We finished our last Birthing Class without being a disruption.  We even received an official certificate of completion.  And our last doctor's appointments have gone really well!  In fact, this week we waited an hour or so then we were told the doctor had left for a delivery and since he personally wanted us to see him instead of a nurse practitioner, we could wait for his return  or re-schedule for the next day.  I consulted with Chris. He surprised me by saying he wanted to wait.  Even more surprising was that on this particular day, Chris was very well-behaved, which was especially annoying because this was the most antsy and impatient I have been through all of our weekly appointments.  I wasn't feeling well. There was a lady nearby who was coughing off and on (I really don't want even a cold!). The atmosphere in the waiting room was tense since they were backed up.  We heard rumors of people leaving and witnessed many walk-ups to the counter to inquire about the wait.  None of this phased Chris. He made an amazing amount of progress on his novel and barely noticed the people around him until he participated in a stare-off with an older lady whose gaze had settled on him. Chris won. People came and went.  The office seemed to be closing down and I was afraid they forgot about us.  Then the lone nurse informed us that our doctor was back!  I realized he had come back specifically for us and it was his Birthday! I felt a bad, but at least we didn't need to repeat the whole ordeal the next day! Anyway, it went well and the doctor said he is extremely pleased with us and where we are.  He said Cohen is getting really big and gave me no comfort or assurance about ultimately having a c-section if he is too big! I guess I won't worry about that now.  Chris and our doctor exchanged info about local BBQ joints and we were on our way!

I thought for those who are interested, I would post pictures of Cohen from the beginning.  They are amazing to me, but if they make you squeamish (like my sister), avoid the next section!

Our first glimpse around 6 weeks!
  

Around 7 weeks

One of my favorites-the "gummi bear" photo at around 8 weeks.

Our last picture at 9 weeks at the specialist before we graduated to a regular ob!

A little person around 10 or 11 weeks.

First official sonogram at 20 weeks.

Follow-up sonogram at 26 weeks-so big!

Me, plenty big at 22 weeks (with Tucker)!